Words by Lucy (She/Her) | Photos by Vertigo Photography, from 'Sexy's Back Compétition', organised by The Peach Pole Studio
Pole Dancing has changed my whole life. A dramatic statement I know, but it’s the truth.
When I first walked into a Pole Studio I was incredibly nervous. I had shorts down to my knees (wearing shorts alone was enough to cause panic!) a long singlet top and a tummy full of jitters. Those first classes I would look down at my feet to avoid looking in the mirror at myself. I was in a constant state of anxiety, worrying about what everyone else in the class was thinking of me. I worried that I wasn’t good enough, that I was the biggest one there, that I’d fall down - gosh you name it and I was worrying about it.
The main concern was certainly how I looked. Through my late teens to my mid 20’s, everything was about ‘fixing’ my body, changing it, finding experts to help me lose weight in any possible way. I had always been a curvy girl, with that classic hourglass figure of hips and thighs and boobs. Apparently, weight loss was the only way to make me feel better about looking different to my friends. The answer I was given was that my body wasn’t right, and any form of exercise was a punishment to work off the food mistakes I’d made.
No one had ever talked about what my body was capable of, or how using it in a way that makes me happy could be beneficial, or that loving it the way it was, was the best way to connect and care for it.
While I certainly had some body confidence issues and I strongly disliked conventional exercise, I was still a bit of a showpony and was always trying to find an outlet for my energy. I did ballet from a young age, a bit of acting and then hip hop dancing. I knew I loved being on stage and performing but nothing ever really felt like the true me. In my mind, everything came with a caveat - I was too large to be a ballerina, not “cool” enough to continue hip hop and not outspoken enough to be an actor. Hence, I gave up. I knew I wanted to “flaunt it” but just hadn’t found an avenue where I felt comfortable to do so.
In my mid 20’s I made the move to Sydney all by myself. My flat-mate was doing Pole Dance classes down the street and she was loving it! To be honest, I had never even considered Pole. It wasn’t something you heard much about in Adelaide. I didn’t even know how a class would work, but I loved to dance. Being alone in a new city was hard, and I was trying to be brave and social. Plus after seeing the amazing, sparkly outfits my friend was wearing to class, I had hoped I could be that fabulous too.
Very quickly after starting Pole, something clicked. Something felt very, very right.
Sure, I could hardly do anything on the Pole (some days I still can’t!) and I was still dressed like a teenage boy - but it was this euphoric buzz that I couldn’t get enough of. The addiction was not only getting stronger and technically improving at Pole dancing - but also the addiction to doing something for myself. I loved seeing what I was capable of, seeing myself in a new light, being sexy, feminine and strong and absolutely loving it.
I started doing more and more classes, I was up to 7 hours a week at one stage because it felt so good and it was just for me. Expressing myself in a way I had always wanted to, while being true to who I am. I can switch off from the world, from whatever had happened that day and to concentrate only on the movements and myself. At Pole I literally can’t think about anything else but what I’m doing. First of all, you’re trying not to fall or slip or wack your head or stab yourself with your 8inch heels (all of which I’ve done), but it’s also the environment you’re in. Surrounded by beautiful people who are all there for their own reasons, but in that hour we are all in it together. There is an incredibly positive energy in Pole Classes, and it’s impossible to think about unpaid bills, my tummy rolls or sales figures at work. I don’t want to bring those thoughts into the room because I want to be present in that moment, with these wonderful humans, as we all try to achieve our own Pole goals, whatever they may be. That is our focus and nothing else.
It is a real opportunity to switch off. To quiet a very busy brain.
Pole gives me solace but it also has given me a huge amount of strength, physically and mentally. Facing the mirror in class was perhaps the biggest life changing moment. I had enjoyed looking at myself in the past, but only a “good body” day (of which there used to be very few). Some days I’d prefer to avoid mirrors entirely, but if I was at Pole I had no choice. I had to look at myself for an entire class whether I liked it or not. At first that was very tough. The negative self talk of ‘you’re fat’, ‘you’re ugly,’ ‘you don’t belong’, ‘everyone is looking at your thighs’ was overwhelming. But I couldn’t run and hide. I had to stand there and truly look at myself and accept that it was me.
After a time of seeing progress in my Pole skills, getting used to my reflection and slowly embracing some fun outfits, I started liking what I saw in the mirror. Those negative thoughts were slowly being shushed. Instead, I started hearing ‘ooo look at you’, ‘you’re looking hot today’, ‘I’m so proud of you,’ ‘look what you can do’’. I remember a very clear moment where I clicked with my body (I was just doing some simple leg waves for you Pole Dancers out there). It was like for the first time, I realised the body was mine, and it was useful and beautiful. There was a connection made and we became friends. I couldn’t speak rudely to my body anymore, I loved it, for all it could do, not just what it looked liked.
Nothing had made me feel this way before.
Through Pole, I have taught my body to climb, spin, flip upside down, hang from one leg, backwards roll and shoulder stand, and when you nail them the feeling is like nothing else. No matter my size or weight, or what I’ve eaten that day, or what anyone else thinks, if I work hard my body and I can do anything we want to do on that Pole. I don’t need fixing or changing, and I belong in the studio as much as anyone else. Yes, Pole Dancing is a form of exercise, a damn good one, but that’s not what it’s about for me. I don't go to Pole to work off a bag of chips (of which I eat many) but to fall in love with myself, exactly as I am. It has brought out a very strong, feminine, playful, sexy side of me that I now embrace wholeheartedly.
You should see me in class now! I'm in minimal clothing, my head is held high regardless if I can do the move or not. I will give anything a go, I am loving myself sick looking in that mirror and I know everyone around me is more concerned with themselves than with judging me.
I am accepted exactly as I am in this environment and am filled with pride.
This change hasn't just happened in the safety of the studio. This confidence now travels with me and has helped me be braver and more authentically me everywhere I go. I don't apologise for what I look like or try to hide it. I wear shorts in Summer, BY CHOICE and actually go to the beach and frolic in bathers, not covering up with a sarong or worrying what everyone else looks like. Never, ever would I have done that before.
And it’s not only the physical. The lessons I have learnt through Pole, like getting out of my comfort zone, giving anything go, not comparing myself to others and realising something doesn’t have to be perfect to be enjoyed - have translated to my everyday life. Not to mention being a part of an incredibly supportive community, making lifelong friends and having a whole new sense of what being a woman means to me.