Words by Kittyhawk | Photography by Mia Maraschino, Katia Schwartz & Adam DeVille
I’m generally a positive person. But lately it’s been a bit of a struggle to stay positive.
So much has happened in such a short amount of time as the Covid-19 crisis has unfolded and without all the regular connections with friends and family that I’m used to, I’ve been feeling pretty overwhelmed. Sky Sirens closed to the public only a month ago on Monday 23 March, but it feels like a lifetime ago already. I miss my students, teaching classes and the community at Sky Sirens immensely. Aerials was (and still is!) my guiding passion in life. But even as I type this, what I struggle with most is feeling guilty that I feel so sad – I’m actually in a very privileged position and I should be grateful. While others have lost all their income, livelihoods and personal connections, I’m still able to work from home and engage with the people who matter most to me. I can’t allow myself to be sad. This guilt has made it so hard to validate and truly express my grief at these current circumstances. And I imagine I’m not the only one.
So, inspired by Dahlia (who is one of THE MOST compassionate humans I know), I decided to reach out to my fellow Sirens and ask them how the past month has been – positives and negatives – as well as any advice they had for the hard days. It was so special to hear their stories, which have inspired my spirit, and to reconnect with such a beautiful collection of humans!
By hearing their experiences of the past month, I’ve learned that while everyone is experiencing different changes to their life due to the Covid-19 crisis, we are all still experiencing change – and change is tricky regardless of how big or small it is. This definitely is a ‘one day at a time’ type of scenario and we’re allowed to have good days and bad days. We’re all allowed to be sad about the changes in our lives. I hope that their stories will also inspire you as you take each day as it comes.
Bolly Golightly
It’s been such a mixed time. At first, I was devastated – my research sabbatical was cancelled, I lost my Bollywood dance company really quickly, then lost all my research funding and kept losing, losing, losing… Despite being really lucky that I’m in the very privileged position of being able to work from home, I was puzzled with guilt as to why I was so depressed.
Then I came to the realisation that just because there are millions worse off than me, doesn’t mean I’m not having a bad time. I embraced the need to grieve for all the things I’ve lost, be sad and not feel like I need to achieve great things in this time. Then shining through the cracks came gratefulness, hope and a bit of tranquillity at not feeling like I’m constantly chasing my tail. I even started doing ‘normal’ things like cooking and watching Netflix. I’ve stopped looking for meaning or lessons and am allowing myself to just be.
Nikki G
At the beginning of isolation, I was lacking in motivation to move my body in ways that I enjoy and struggling to inspire myself to find a purpose to get creative. Now I see it as an opportunity to slow down mentally and I enjoy doing a lot of my own inner work and creating a daily routine that best suits me during this isolation.
On my bad days, I like to keep myself occupied, whether it’s walking, baking, stretching or learning something new.
Arizona
That first week of ceasing work was rough for me. The ‘not knowing’ sent my anxiety on overdrive and my stress manifested in physical illness of respiratory issues and hives which lasted weeks.
With all the time on my hands though, I’m able to focus on uni work and finish assignments in advance. I’m able to work on my inversions with a slow and steady progress as well as really put things in perspective on what I can live with or without. I feel bad for my plants though - they’ve been getting slightly overwatered and Birdie is probably sick of me picking him up for a cuddle every 2 seconds!
Dahlia Daye
I've been able to have space to really work on some health stuff that kept being pushed to the back burner. Because my workload and travelling has considerably lightened, I have more spoons to do things like cook healthy meals, do my appointments and remember to take my medications! It's not all perfect and I have definitely still had blocks of days where I can hardly chat to people let alone do the basics like shower, eat and exercise. The physical break has been very welcome and made me more aware and in tune with how my body reacts to different daily tasks in "normal" life.
I've been struggling with the concept of needing space. I'm equal parts as introverted as I am extroverted, which means for as much as I need to socialise, I also need LOTS of space. Being locked down with my partner and housemate has meant that none of us have the house to ourselves on the days we normally would. For me, this has left me feeling anxious and frustrated, and unable to communicate my needs. I have been confusing needing to be alone with needing attention and vice versa, which has been difficult to manage but it's getting a little better now than it was before (thanks therapy!). I'm privileged to still have access to my medical and mental health supports which has helped a lot with this.
Sofia Finesse
A positive of this current time is that I have had to be creative and get outside my comfort zone to get active. I’ve gone on a lot of walks and runs and done some online yoga classes which I’ve never done before. I’m learning a lot about my body!
Something I have found challenging though, is missing the meaningful connections and interactions that I took for granted. It has given me a different appreciation of the people and opportunities that I have to connect with my community and I’m struggling with not having those. It’s a complete change of routine. I also really miss aerials and am trying to find a way access an apparatus but it’s really expensive too!
Lily Rose
For me, Term 2 of college started again - it’s different from the previous terms as everything is now online. However, for 2 days, we had 1hr zoom meeting in the morning and in the afternoon, which allowed me to see all of my friends from school and talk to them. It was really helpful, and I felt happy to see their faces! We had a good laugh (discreetly…haha) and I’m happy that now I’ll have a proper schedule for two days a week!
I find it hard to keep a routine and finding discipline. I usually have a very active and busy life so the change can be challenging, which I’m sure everybody else feels the same. Some days I don’t do anything, I find new shows or movies to watch on Netflix. However, it did make me realise that when things go back to normal, I think I will slow down a bit and get more time for myself, maybe an extra day off.
Wednesday
The biggest positive of the past month has been Nick Cave launching Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds 24-hr TV and it’s literally the greatest thing that’s ever existed. But on the negative side, I have eaten cheese and bread every day and I currently lack the discipline to stop!
My advice for bad days is to redefine your expectations of yourself. Constantly remind yourself that you don’t need to be to be at the top of your game right now. The game is paused for everyone, and productivity anxiety is a disease you don’t need right now.
Kittyhawk
To finish off my blog, I’d like to share some more about the past month for me. I’ve been surprised in the past month by how much knowledge I have about training without my apparatus! I was so worried that without my lyra I’d be lost and while I do miss the lyra, I have found so many other ways to train and maintain my strength.
I’ve struggled a lot with anxiety about the future and feeling overwhelmed by all the changes to my life. One constant is my beautiful doggo Bailey who reminds me that each day is about the present moment – he takes pleasure in each simple action in his day and doesn’t worry about the future or the past. Another steadfast positive influence on my days is my partner who feeds my soul through his cooking! On my bad days, I try to slowly work through the list of things I know make me happy and bring my joy.