Words by Rose Royce | Photographs by Mia Maraschino & Performance photo by Leslie Liu

For the first year of my teaching career, I found myself being quite closed with people when it came to questions about my dance background. I was always worried I would be judged for not having years of jazz, ballet, contemporary (or anything really) behind me. I even found that I wouldn’t correct people if they made a comment about me “probably having years of experience”. I would just smile and change the subject because deep down inside, I was desperate to hide this information about myself. I feared that students may feel as though I wasn’t skilled enough to be their instructor and I was concerned that other instructors would judge me. It’s only recently that I have come to the realisation that this is a pressure I have put on myself. 

As a kid, I threw myself into everything and tried just about anything. You could say that I was a bit of an overachiever. Swimming, Netball, Violin, Singing, Figure Skater – just to name a few! But the one thing I never participated in was dancing.

I just wasn’t interested!

A lot of my friends took dance classes every weekend and at the time, I just didn’t see the appeal. It wasn’t until I started taking pole dance classes that I became curious about other styles of dancing and started to ‘kick myself’ for not starting sooner.

Before I started competing and teaching, having no dance experience wasn’t a big issue for me. Yes, I wish that I had taken dance classes as a child. But - I’m taking pole dance classes now, and that was great! However, the pressure and the doubts started to build when I started competing. I was on stage up against other babes who had a strong dance background and years of performance experience. I would hear people comment about the other competitors and label them as ‘beautiful dancers’ or ‘born dancers’ and I felt like that was a title I could never obtain, nor did I deserve it.

I felt like a fraud and that I was in way over my head.  

I was then offered a position as a pole dance instructor. This was a dream come true for me. I have been offered an opportunity to share my passion with others who are all starting out where I once did. I couldn’t believe it and I was itching to get started. I loved it from the first beginners pole class. I still remember the class like it was yesterday. I couldn’t get enough, and I felt at home right away. I felt like I had found my place, and this is what I was supposed to be doing. Shortly after starting, I was given the opportunity to choreograph routines for my classes which felt like such an honour. It all started off as such a beautiful experience until the doubts and voices started to scream in my head louder than ever.

I was putting myself out there as an Instructor, teaching people not only how to execute moves, but how to dance! I was choreographing routines for not only my own shows and competitions, but also for my students. I had to completely back myself and my craft and at times, this was really challenging.

As instructors and dancers, we open ourselves up to criticism and comparison.

I don’t think I realised how much this might affect me when I entered into this world. I found myself constantly scrolling through Instagram watching other dancers feeling inspired but also, feeling jealous. Feeling insecure. I let every bit of criticism get under my skin and I doubted my own ability. I continued to feel like I was a fraud posing as a dancer. If you are someone who often compares themselves to others, having some social media free days doesn’t hurt. I have limited my time online and have spent more time training and focusing on me.

I also go through my own camera roll and watch videos of myself. I need to become my own motivation!

There have definitely been times that I have received negative comments regarding my choreography and of course that hurt. There will always be someone out there who doesn’t like my style of dance. Regardless of how technically skilled I am as a dancer, or how much experience I have, someone just plain won’t like me. I need to tell myself that, that’s okay! It’s funny that no matter how many students have told me how much they love my routines, one negative comment can undo all of the good ones. But I also know that a lot of the doubt that I have about my dancing comes from myself. We are our own worst critics, right? Being a confident dancer is about backing yourself 100%. It’s about being able to shake things off. To KNOW that you are amazing and that your choreography is fire but also that you are still learning and can always improve.

So unlike some other blogs posted here, this story isn't quite wrapped up yet. I’m still living with it. I’m still trying to overcome it. I’m still trying to say ‘I’m a dancer’ and feel like I deserve to say it but I will get there! In the meantime, I am going to continue doing what I love. I love to dance and I love to teach and share my passion with others. So for any of you who can relate to this and perhaps wouldn’t feel confident enough to call yourselves dancers, join me in my pact to tell ourselves every damn day that we are magical, superhuman, sexy af DANCERS who just love to dance, whether it be for ourselves or as performers and that is 100% valid.